Sunday, October 23, 2016

my toughest relationship

So when I started this blog I really intended to keep a focus on running and healthy living. Running has been a consistent part of my life for about four years and just like with any other relationship it has changed over time. Currently we are having major issues.

Its not really that my brain doesn’t want to run, its that my body has been telling me it needs a break. I have been fighting with myself mentally over this for at least a year. I just don’t want to give it up or maybe I am just scared too.

Honestly alot more of my body hurts than I am willing to admit. I am constantly sore in certain areas and I am just not healing as fast as I used to. Getting old is GREAT.

In my head I think this is absolutely crazy. How could I be so worn down. I am not training at some crazy level. I barely even go out for speed. I am happy with a long slow run. Even just 30 minutes a day, but every muscle in me is telling me otherwise.

It is so hard to learn to listen to your body and yet if we all did, we would be so much healthier and happier.

Your body knows what it wants and what it needs. Just look at any six year old. They know when they want to eat and when to stop. They know when to run around like a maniac and when to pass out. They aren’t stuck inside their heads contemplating their next move. They just tell you what they are going to do. 

Somehow we grow out of this and we start fighting with ourselves. We forget how to listen.

Currently I am writing this from my kitchen table on Sunday morning. I should be just about crossing the finish line in my 14th half marathon and honestly I still thought maybe I would run it 12 hours ago... but finally last night I was able to stop the fight. I haven’t put any training in. I haven’t been able to. I am not making excuses, even though my crazy head feels like I am. Nothing good was going to come from me lacing up my shoes this morning.

Look, even if I would have made it through 13.1 miles, it would have just proved to my crazy self that it is okay to run half marathons with little to no training and I can always get by without putting the work in. I don’t think that is a very wise thing to prove to myself. Putting the miles in and really trying is what used to be so addicting. Being better than I was yesterday is what running has always been about for me and I am not really sure where that mentality of mine escaped to... 

I need to find my mojo again. I need to heal and I need to be proud of my body again. I have been cursing it for too many years and I am tired of the same old mind games. I need to take time to appreciate every ounce of what my body CAN do for me and forgive it for what it CAN’T. 

So let me leave you with this gem …and oh you can bet I will be rereading this quote a few million times today…

“This isn’t about working less or more, necessarily. This isn’t about homemade or takeout, or full time or part time, or the specific ways we choose to live out our days. It’s about rejecting the myth that every day is a new opportunity to prove our worth, and about the truth that our worth is inherent, given by God, not earned by our hustling. It’s about learning to show up and let ourselves be seen just as we are, massively imperfect and weak and wild and flawed in a thousand ways, but still worth loving. It’s about realizing that what makes our lives meaningful is not about what we accomplish, but how deeply and honestly we connect with the people in our lives, how whole we give ourselves to the making of a better world, through kindness and courage.” 

I stole this quote from my favorite running blogger. It is from the book Present Over Perfect. Which I just ordered a few minutes ago :) You should too.



  1. I've been dealing with a leg issue so I haven't ran consistently for a year. I get it! Just like running is a mental challenge - NOT running is a mental challenge. Love the quote too! Glad to see you're back!

    1. Thanks girl!! :)

      I am so sorry to hear about your leg. Do you have any idea what it is? Being injured is just the absolute worst. I have some sciatica issues. Its literally a pain in the BUTT :D

    2. The short version is that I had a vein compressed in my abdomen which resulted in weird pain and swelling in my leg. I've since focused more on yoga, which I used to do twice a week but now do it every day. I still miss running though. Especially when I hear a song that has the perfect running beat! I know you'd mentioned doing yoga before - maybe that could help with your pain also?

    3. Haha!! I instantly judge a song by how awesome it would be to run to!

      Gosh I miss yoga so much. I honestly haven't been once in two years. This is actually the first time I realized that! (How does time fly by so fast???) I was really getting addicted at one point too. I KNOW it would help...searching for the right studio is hard though. I loved the place I went to in Milwaukee.

    4. That is so wonderful that you have kept up with yoga and do it everyday!! Do you do it at home or at a studio?

    5. Initially, I took classes at my gym but now I just practice at home. I prefer it at home for the most part. There's no worries of what I'm wearing or if my toes are painted ;-)

  2. Running was something that I always hated but got serious about doing 2 years ago. I did the C25K and kept up with running 2-3 days per week. Several months before my pregnancy, my hips really started to hurt. Horrible pains all throughout the day and especially right after a run. I also had knee issues. I quit running when I found out I was pregnant and I don't miss it. I still get in a good workout 5 days per week but ones that are easier on my body. I have had horrible hip problems all through my pregnancy and I wonder if my running made it worse. So I totally get the fight between your mind and body. I think that if it doesn't feel right anymore, you will find something else you love.

    1. I just don't understand how us girls get the hips and yet they are usually the weakest part of our body!!! Soooo many running injuries for women can be routed back to our hips (I am certain mine do). SO unfair!!

      I love that you have still committed to 5 days a week, even while preggers! I think I need to just change things up for awhile...