Thursday, November 10, 2016

On a lighter note

SO I was really nervous about posting yesterday... I imagine some of you just skipped it and that's totally fine. 

I just felt like I needed to get my thoughts out somewhere and Facebook was absolutely not an option. 

A day later it's a sigh of relief that so many people have seemed to change their tone (obviously not all but some). The world does keep moving no matter what and I think it forced many to really reflect on who they are and the example they set. Sometimes good comes out of the worst situations and people and that's my biggest hope. 

On that note, I'm done giving anymore attention to it. Especially on this blog.

So back to regular programming :) 

This past weekend I had a 10K race with my dad and Jacob in Wisconsin.

Appleton, Wisconsin is the home (and birth place, I think?) of Houdini. Who knew? So the race is called the Houdini 10k and I imagine we will be signed up for many years to come. My parents call Appleton home now so it was also fun exploring their small downtown. 

Jacob and I found a bar with a shuffle board and stayed there for over three hours. Shuffle boards in bars keep us very entertained.
(On a side note: I was undefeated. Thankyaverymuch!)

But back to the race... 

It went fantastic. The weather was incredible and the route was perfect (Perfect equals a down hill every time you want one).

I have to tell you that Jacob had not trained at all for our 10k (I guess law school is time consuming or something).

He actually has never ran farther than a 5k. He ran a 5k in September and one mile a weekend or so ago. That was his training. 

So anyways I finish the race and I'm waiting with my camera for my dad to come in next. Jacob told me that he would probably walk some and run as much as he could but he wasn't going to kill himself so I wasn't even looking for him yet. I see my dad a ways out and get my camera ready. I'm just focusing on him and trying to see if I can tell how he's doing. All of a sudden I look about three feet in front of me and there is Jacob! Running and SMILING! 

What came out of my mouth next was the least supportive thing I could have yelled..."WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
It was all I kept saying lol 

I ran with him a few feet and I was just so confused. I suppose I meant more like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" But I am sure I was beaming. I was so freaking proud of him. He said he didn't walk once and after he got through the first 3.1 miles he just was in a groove. I'm so proud of him! It was the farthest he has ever ran and he was happy! 

My dad did great too and really enjoyed the route. 

We had beers at the end together and sat in the sun. 

Who would have thought in November! in northern Wisconsin! we would be in shorts... Drinking cold beer?? Winter you can stay away as long as you want!



Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Something I had to say before I could move on.

Here's the thing...

I cried this morning. 
I cried this morning. alone. in my kitchen.

I am being completely honest when I tell you that I am not political. I tried to avoid this election for a full year before I paid any close attention. (I for one, think there should be laws in place to set limits on the length of the presidential campaigns but that's a different post for a different day.)

Before yesterday I have had the privilege to vote two previous times in my life. I was pretty much a child both of those times. I just assumed that the "grown ups" would pick two honorable candidates that I could choose between and vote for... and for the most part I wasn't let down. However, making that same assumption this year was a very huge mistake and one that I won't ever make again. 

As I drove to the polls yesterday afternoon, I realized honestly for the first time, how truly affected I will be by my choice this year. I realized the weight of being an adult right now in history and how scary that responsibility is. 

You can tell me how naive and ridiculous that is all you want. I am the first to admit I am ashamed that it took me this long to feel that heaviness. 

I looked over at my husband in the car on our drive and the very real possibility that our babies will be born during this coming presidency washed over me. 

I felt panicked. True panic. 

Somehow though I pulled out of it. I prayed a silent prayer for my candidate as I cast my ballot and believed fully that evil would never prevail. 

Later on in the evening, as the polls were coming in, that panic came back and then some. I couldn't go to sleep. I kept my eyes on the screen until the very last word that Trump spoke. Once it was clear that he had won, I needed, absolutely needed!! to hear what he had to say for himself. I needed to pretend just for an instant that he could be a man deserving of this incredible title. 

However, this morning in my kitchen I felt nothing but sadness. I never ever want my child to look up to this man. I am ashamed that our country could look past his disgusting behavior and turn a blind eye. Never as a country or even as consumers of media and tabloids have we ever given someone so much grace and forgiveness for such disgusting behavior. I never ever want my son or daughter to believe that power allows you to disrespect anyone. I never want them to know someone of such stature could spread so much hate and prejudice and still be honored. 

My stance has nothing to do with whether he will fix our economy or help create more jobs.. I hope he does. I hope he succeeds at all the logistics of the job he just signed up for. My stance and my sadness stems solely from the example we just set for our babies and the trouble we will have explaining it to them when we don't even understand it ourselves. 

Monday, October 31, 2016

Fraidycat 10K

Happy Halloween Witches!
Thanks for your comments on my last post! We survived the night in Chicago and our costumes turned out preeetty great, if I do say so myself!!
Jake’s commitment to growing his own beard for Lincoln really made me extra happy. He knows the way to my heart. 
We had the best night. We were up way too late and drank way too much pumpkin beer on Friday so Saturday was a very slow start home. Thankfully, we didn’t have much to do so it was a full Saturday to recooperate because Sunday I had a very unplanned race to wake up for! 
My mother-in-law emailed me a link to a Halloween 10k nearby last Thursday morning. She said she would treat me to it if I wanted to sign up and that they would come out and cheer!! I was immediately SO excited...which is shocking because I have been really struggling with my relationship with running lately (you can read my recent post about it here). This past week I have still been kind of pissed about dropping out of my Half Marathon last weekend... but of course I had a few great runs over the week (go figure) so I knew I would be super comfortable with the distance.
She signed me up Thursday and I picked my packet up Friday! I don’t know if I have ever registered so late. It was great not having very much time to overthink it.
This race had a 5K (3.1 miles) and a 10K (6.2 miles). Both races started together and if you ran the 10K you just ran the course twice. This was the first time I have ever been in a race mapped out like that. It was pretty great though because Jacob didn’t have to do much running around to find me on the course. I saw him at the start, when I finished the first half (mile 3.1) and at the end. I also kind of liked figuring out the course on my first loop. I was able to plan for the hills my second time around... but honestly I was so dead after mile 4.5 that it probably didn’t help all that much. 
Basically I hit a wall. The last 1.5 miles felt impossible. My watch was messed up the first two miles and I wonder if I just went out too fast. I even walked near the end for a few seconds and I know for certain that has never happened in any previous race.
Probably one of the hardest parts was that the 5K race was over 400 people and the 10K had just under 50 people. SO when the 5K runners around me finished and I kept going, I was all alone. Like ALONE ALONE. It was so hard to keep a race menatlity when you have no other runners around you. 
I ended 01:01:26 
Not my best by any means but I know I did everything I could. Speed just wasn’t in me today and thats okay. I got to RACE and every single time I am at a race I remember why I love it so much. 
Even my Father-in-law said he might run it next year! He used to run a little bit but its been a long time. To hear him say that just proves how electrifying being at a race is!!
This was such a nice gift from them. I have two more 10Ks planned this year and now I have a little bit of my spark back!

Thursday, October 27, 2016

the cubbies have killed my halloween spirit

I freaking love halloween. 
LOVE it. 
Since becoming a couple I love it even more. 
On the contrary, Jacob contemplates divorce on the 31st of October.
Here is the thing…our favorite Halloween tradition…OK, OK one of MY favorite Halloween traditions (although there have been some years skipped) is spending a night in Chicago with one of my bestfriends dressed up. As you can imagine... like pretty much any other holiday...Halloween is taken pretty seriously and is super fun in the city.
However, this year I can’t even believe we had even a second to plan/think about our costumes because THE CUBBIES are in the WORLD SERIES!!! DID you hear??? (well of course you have) 
SO! tomorrow night we are heading into Chicago dressed up as Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln (ya you read that right) for our originally planned festivities...but who woulda thought months ago that tomorrow night would also be the third game in the series but the FIRST game in Chicago!
(P.S. Can you even believe that to just get into a bar in Wrigleyville will cost you a 100$ cover. For realz. 1000$ if you want a table. JUST TO WATCH THE GAME ON TV.) 
Thankfully we have a party to go to…not far from Wrigley and we aren’t missing it. BUT I can’t help but wonder how stupid we will feel tomorrow on public transportation in a costume. I feel like we will be asaulted by so many crazy fans asking why the hell we are celebrating Halloween when the biggest event in our city is happening...
I guess I am writing so you can pray for our safety??... and maybeee to remind you to follow me on insta so you can see our sweet costumes ;)
I can’t wait to see what y’all are dressing up as!!! 

Sunday, October 23, 2016

my toughest relationship

So when I started this blog I really intended to keep a focus on running and healthy living. Running has been a consistent part of my life for about four years and just like with any other relationship it has changed over time. Currently we are having major issues.

Its not really that my brain doesn’t want to run, its that my body has been telling me it needs a break. I have been fighting with myself mentally over this for at least a year. I just don’t want to give it up or maybe I am just scared too.

Honestly alot more of my body hurts than I am willing to admit. I am constantly sore in certain areas and I am just not healing as fast as I used to. Getting old is GREAT.

In my head I think this is absolutely crazy. How could I be so worn down. I am not training at some crazy level. I barely even go out for speed. I am happy with a long slow run. Even just 30 minutes a day, but every muscle in me is telling me otherwise.

It is so hard to learn to listen to your body and yet if we all did, we would be so much healthier and happier.

Your body knows what it wants and what it needs. Just look at any six year old. They know when they want to eat and when to stop. They know when to run around like a maniac and when to pass out. They aren’t stuck inside their heads contemplating their next move. They just tell you what they are going to do. 

Somehow we grow out of this and we start fighting with ourselves. We forget how to listen.

Currently I am writing this from my kitchen table on Sunday morning. I should be just about crossing the finish line in my 14th half marathon and honestly I still thought maybe I would run it 12 hours ago... but finally last night I was able to stop the fight. I haven’t put any training in. I haven’t been able to. I am not making excuses, even though my crazy head feels like I am. Nothing good was going to come from me lacing up my shoes this morning.

Look, even if I would have made it through 13.1 miles, it would have just proved to my crazy self that it is okay to run half marathons with little to no training and I can always get by without putting the work in. I don’t think that is a very wise thing to prove to myself. Putting the miles in and really trying is what used to be so addicting. Being better than I was yesterday is what running has always been about for me and I am not really sure where that mentality of mine escaped to... 

I need to find my mojo again. I need to heal and I need to be proud of my body again. I have been cursing it for too many years and I am tired of the same old mind games. I need to take time to appreciate every ounce of what my body CAN do for me and forgive it for what it CAN’T. 

So let me leave you with this gem …and oh you can bet I will be rereading this quote a few million times today…

“This isn’t about working less or more, necessarily. This isn’t about homemade or takeout, or full time or part time, or the specific ways we choose to live out our days. It’s about rejecting the myth that every day is a new opportunity to prove our worth, and about the truth that our worth is inherent, given by God, not earned by our hustling. It’s about learning to show up and let ourselves be seen just as we are, massively imperfect and weak and wild and flawed in a thousand ways, but still worth loving. It’s about realizing that what makes our lives meaningful is not about what we accomplish, but how deeply and honestly we connect with the people in our lives, how whole we give ourselves to the making of a better world, through kindness and courage.” 

I stole this quote from my favorite running blogger. It is from the book Present Over Perfect. Which I just ordered a few minutes ago :) You should too.


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

The update of all updates

Three years and seven days ago, Jacob and I were 25 years old. We put our very first house on the market and Jake sat down for a few hours and took one of the most important tests of his life, the LSAT.

Now just a few weeks ago he started his very last year of law school and tears just fell from my cheeks on the Monday morning he left to catch the train for the very last FIRST time.

Time is just going too fast. We never imagined it would and yet of course it did.

We moved back home to Illinois from Wisconsin for him to attend the school he REALLY wanted and I changed my whole career path from over eager college grad in a corporate environment to a nanny.

I started this blog mostly because I was inspired by so many others who shared every detail of their life (the good, the bad and the ugly)…AND my passion for running…
but I think the biggest reason was to capture and remember every ounce of this huge leap of faith we took and our new adventure.

I failed.

I don’t really think it is because I lost inspiration but I just think I kind of lost myself. Not really in a bad way, just in a way I can’t really put into words. Transition is hard and wonderful all at the same time and I guess I wasn’t as great at putting it into words as I thought I would be.

To be honest this last year has been rough.

I think the beginning of this journey looked and actually felt glamorous. While my friends were starting to feel the weight of being adults, Jacob and I figured out a way to go back to being kids. We traveled and felt free of adult responsibility…pretty much that whole first year of law school.
Loan money is a dangerous fortune to have and so is the cushion of my in laws' house. We moved in with them the first semester and for the very first time in a LONG time my only real bill was our cell phones. I don’t even feel ashamed. That was pretty freaking fantastic!

The second year of law school we moved out of the ‘rents and had an adorable studio apartment closer to the city (Chicago for those of you who don’t pay attention) and then later that year we knew we needed more room and decided to rent a house farther from the city. A house really helped us feel like grown ups again and I think we probably will stay here until the landlord pulls me out kicking and screaming. Jacob was hired as a clerk at a great law firm close by and is still there today whenever he isn’t at school. Pretty much he is happy as a clam doing exactly what he wants to be doing.

As for me I am a nanny for a new family and although I may one day explain how that came about, today I am just not ready. However I will say I never ever thought that after my last experience I would sign up for the position again, but I can’t even explain how much joy my job brings me now. I really felt a pull to go back and use my college degree after things ended with the previous family, but just when you think you know where you belong God shows you. I had one interview with this family and I knew it was where I belonged.

SO I guess thats where I will end today… If you didn’t already figure it out I am back. Like really back. No maybes this time. I miss this space. I miss connecting with new friends all over this crazy planet and I always knew when the time was right I would be ready to really dedicate myself to this blog and I know that time is now.

I hope for some of you I am an ancient person still left on your blog lovin’ feed and this pops up!! if so!! shoot me a comment! I would love to know you are here reading. I may have disappeared, but if you have a blog I can almost guarantee that I am still reading yours. I promise to get better at comments too... now that I am back in the swing of things :)  

tons of love.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

such a tease

I needed a little extra motivation for my run this morning. I was still laying in bed & I realized I have not written down a single race this year and/or compared my times. How many races have I even done in the last few months???

Oh GAWD...What kind of "runner" am I???

my happiest place
I remember celebrating my tenth half marathon but other than that I have just been running when I can and racing hard when it feels right. 

St. Patty's Day

After thinking about it awhile I opened up 5 million windows to try and find my race results and after all that work the little post-it full of my accomplishments just wasn't going to cut it...

I subconsciously knew that I was going to have to add my runs to this special place. This place I abandoned almost a full year ago! So I recovered my password because god help me if I can ever remember a password to save my life and I tried to figure out how to even edit the race tab.
RUSTY is an understatement.
BUT long story short, my recent races are added.
Now I can resume to being a real "runner" again or whatever that means :)

Last year I kept coming and leaving...blaming everything on changes and not really making writing a priority. I didn't ever want to be that blogger and I felt dumb. Its annoying to read. I may not be a great blogger but I am a pretty great blog reader and I know what I like to read and it sure isn't apology posts about disappearing and deciding to enjoy your life instead of typing about it.

Well maybe its time to come back...A whole year changes you and I would be a different person now but that is usually a good thing. 

SO I will leave you in suspense. Maybe...I am back :)