I have been drowning under 32 pounds of silly stress, with a side of bad eating and a lot of running.
I know that sentence doesn't make any sense what-so-ever but basically moving, law school, life plans and anything related has been in full swing these last two weeks and I have been a little moody
One day I am smiling and happy and can't believe our plans/dreams are in motion and then the next day I am standing in my mom's kitchen balling my eyes out because being a grown up is hard and I don't really love making huge decisions.
Anyone feel like handing me a blanket and a box of crayons with a juice box? No... that's ridiculous. I'm no baby.
How about a three hour marathon of Saved by the Bell and Doritos? I am more like circa 1993.
Okay well you get my drift. I am stressed.
On top of it, I have been eating when I am not hungry and pretty much losing all sense of nutrition, especially this last weekend. We were at my in laws and it included me indulging in everything I wanted. We did a wine tasting on Saturday, which you would think would be the answer to my stressful prayers, but I conquered a plate of cheese in the process. A PLATE people. of cheese. It was more like a mountain of cheese, if we are telling the truth.
THE only good thing that has come from this whirl wind of crazy lately is that in the last 6 days I have ran 35 miles. I know that isn't a lot for some people but that is a lot for me. Especially because I am just coming back from a winter as a hermit.
They have been some of the slowest miles of my life, due to my lack of good nutrition and sleep, but they have been there for me and some miles were even warm.
I know the running bug doesn't hit home with everyone but I honestly have no clue how I lived without it for so long. It is like everything else can go wrong and be out of my control but if I make the smart decision to just run it out, fast or slow, happy or sad, I find a little voice in my head that tells me everything is going to be okay.
On Sunday I ran a pretty great eight miles out on the country roads behind my in laws house. My in laws really value their faith and they were headed to church Sunday morning when I left for my run. The first mile or so I felt a little guilty that my husband and I opted to run instead of church. I know it isn't the same for everyone and you may not have the same opinion, but I realized as I was running that running is my time with God. It is my time to be quiet and heal. To talk and cry and to be present while admiring all the beautiful things he created. I reflect on my relationships, my attitudes, words I have said and often I ask for forgiveness. I didn't realize until just this weekend how much I grow in my faith while my legs are moving.
It may not make up for not attending church to some but for me it is what works. Its also nice to know that I have formed a habit. A habit to not only turn to running when I am stressed but also to turn to my faith, I just didn't realize it till now :)